The stigma that haunts depression.

As a young woman, fully immersed into the professional world of business at a young age, working 40 long hours a week in a job with high levels of stress, low pay and the constant being around of negative people, it was no wonder I developed a severe depression.
In fact, I often say, it was just waiting to happen.

To my recollection, I can see myself a few months ago from now, deteriorating mentally, getting deeper and deeper into the abyss that was and is my depression.
I stopped being a person. I ineffectually became “dead”.

I had no hobbies, no interests, no real friends, I couldn’t even hold a conversation or sleep all night through.
My relationship was deeply suffering and falling apart because I no longer had interest in it.
And as my condition worsened, I began to walk out of work, lock myself away in toilets just to cry in the middle of the day for no apparent reason, I would have outbursts of emotion and when I finally reached breaking point, I tried to walk out of work of my own accord in a less than fit mental state, at ten in the morning.

The road to recovery has been a long ongoing process, and I am only a quarter of the way there even now, a month and a half since I sought professional help.
I still have negative thoughts sometimes. It’s been almost three weeks since I had serious suicidal thoughts and I still wake in the night dreaming of people from work. My hair is thinning and my dentist has told me that I am grinding my teeth in my sleep due to stress and that If I continue, I will need to invest in a mouth guard.
My doctor has referred me to a professional psychologist.

I have come across, within this time, a great number of people, who have told me “just snap out of it”, “just get on with it”, “you’re fine, you’re just a little upset and tired, you’ll be fine tomorrow”.
In all honesty, I’m sure that all these people meant well, but what they were actually doing, was damaging to my mind and my wellbeing.
I remember looking at them confused, thinking it’s been a year and a half now, why haven’t I snapped out of it yet?

The truth is, too many people believe depression is just a word that indicates a person is feeling low, feeling sad.
In fact, depression is a serious mental illness with the possibilities of life ruination and even death.

For much too long, I spent a period of time thinking “oh I’m okay, I’m just a little emotional” instead of taking myself seriously And getting the help I desperately needed.
I felt that my case wasn’t serious enough for a doctors examination.
Little did I realise that day by day, I was losing myself, I was losing my mind, I was losing everything.

If you are feeling stressed at work, low and sad or you are aware that your depression is worsening, I implore you to seek help immediately.

Talk to your doctor

Take an immediate break from work

Spend some time with yourself, doing something for yourself. Run a bath, read a book, watch a movie, cook some food that you really enjoy eating, exercise, create art or write or play music!

Whatever you do, do not give up on yourself.
Listen to what your mind is telling you and take it seriously.
Please do not doubt yourself.
You are right, you know your mind and your body and you know how to take care of it.
Forget about the financial pleasure that work can bring and focus on yourself.
If you don’t, no one else will.

Please let me know what you think and drop me a comment.
I definitely want to hear your opinions.
Thank you!

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3 thoughts on “The stigma that haunts depression.

  1. blissfulignorancetabitha says:

    Depression is not feeling sad, it’s not having the ability to feel sad or anything for that matter. I have suffered depression on/off my entire life I think but finally received a medical diagnosis 2 weeks ago and have been put on medication despite my resistance. It has got to the stage where I am exhausted of pretending I can cope and I am ‘happy’.Simply exhausted! My thoughts are with you. Tx.

    • blueskybrightsunshine says:

      Tabitha,
      I agree with you completely 100%.
      I also felt that way every day, every moment around everyone. I had to be happy or I would be letting them down or not doing my job.
      So pretending was the only way forward and that broke me.

      I am really pleased that you sought medical help. It is the first step to recovery and at the end of it, you will feel like a new person. You will feel able to make choices again and be yourself. Well done!! You did the right thing.

      Thank you for your comment, your input is deeply appreciated.
      My thoughts are with you. Keep going!!
      Beth x

      • blissfulignorancetabitha says:

        Morning Beth,
        Thank you for your support. I am still stuck in the emptiness and hope so much that one day I will be able to feel again. x

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