Photography Challenge: Day 10- Childhood Memory

Okay, so maybe this challenge is getting a little less about photography and a lot more personal.

In this very badly taken photo of photos, you will see a photo of my mother at the top.

This photo was taken a very long time ago, when I dare say, she was happy.
It is my favourite photo of her.
She has been through a lot of turmoil in her life and her smile has gradually turned into a frown over the years.
That is why I treasure the memory of her smile so much.

The photo below is of me and my siblings when I was a little girl!
There are four of us here, but one more child has been added to the mix since then.
In this particular photo, I hadn’t started primary school yet. I was in pre-school and so was sent to have a photo taken with my brothers and sister.

I am the little blondie second from the right, leaning against my oldest and biggest brother.
Yes, I am frowning. I remember how scared I felt sitting in front of that strange person with their big camera.
I lent against my oldest brother for protection and I couldn’t smile or enjoy the experience.
I was so shy as a little girl.

Well, there it is, a childhood memory.

What childhood memory do you remember the most?
Let me know.

God bless
Beth

Write my life

It all began 4 days after Christmas in 1992.
At 9:42, I squeezed out of my mums belly and I became Bethany.
My mum took me home with her and I lived in a big house with my two older brothers, my sister, my parents, and various animals including cats, dogs, mice, guinea pigs, rabbits and fish.

I had such a great childhood.
It was filled with lovely people such as my three nanas, my grandad and my huge families including numerous cousins and aunties and uncles.
My brothers, sister and I were always outside, creating mischief wherever we went, although there were the odd days when we would sit down and make perfumes from cold rain water and flower petals, or daisy chains from the green outside our front door.
We were always getting into trouble and often we would get punished for it.
I remember that I once took a bracelet from a store where my older brother had been to get new shoes.
Yup, I got smacked that evening.
But us kids were happy together and we had so much fun.

When I was nine, things started to go wrong and my dad flipped out and went totally crazy on us all.
I won’t go into too much detail but let’s just say, my siblings and I were made victims to the onslaught.
For years, the fighting and the arguing went on between us all and it saw my parents split and my childhood home vanish from our hands into the hands of strangers.
My achievements at school had gone from good to bad to worse. The girls I went to school with began to make fun of me and the problems I was having at home and at the age of 13, I dropped out of school altogether.

My mum, my siblings and I had moved several times since our parents split and we had found it extremely hard to make ends meet.
Some days we struggled to eat and struggled to keep warm. My mum told me that if I wanted a new coat for the snow, bearing in mind I didn’t have one, then I had to get a job and pay for it myself.
Even when the lock on our front door broke and we couldn’t afford to get it fixed, we had to leave the door hanging on the latch and my brothers would make sure no one would come in whilst we were sleeping in the night.
During this period of our lives, my mum had another baby.
My little brother Leo, who I adore with my entire being.

About that time, I started running off to London for weeks at a time, to escape the pain I was feeling at home. My sister was bullying me and my dad kept coming back to our home to threaten and hurt our mum.
I would meet strangers on the street and they would become friends.
I had a different boyfriend every two weeks and I rarely ate any food.
I was 14 years old.

On my final evening in London, I had been locked up in a house by a “friend”. She had left me there with two adult guys.
One of them threatened to take my belongings and force me to perform a sexual act on him at knifepoint.
Luckily though, the other male saved me from this ordeal and managed to get me out of the house and to the nearest bus stop for me to get back to where I was staying.

The next day, stunned at the event of the previous evening, I decided enough was enough, and I went back to my mums house.

I lolled for months.
By this time I was 15.
I didn’t get a job, I ate so much junk food, never exercised, watched tv all day and cried about how crappy life was for me.

When I turned 16, I was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery.
My spleen had spontaneously ruptured and I was dying from internal bleeding.
Somehow, by pure miracle and lots of amazing life saving people working in the hospital, I lived to tell the story.

It took a long time for me to get over the trauma of the event but eventually, I started to build a life for myself.
I learned new things, got myself a job, cared more about other people, made friends,
And I even got to travel to a few cool places like Italy.

The one thing that held me down though, was the fact that I had by then, developed a severe eating disorder.

After a couple of years, I was on the road to recovery and was aiming higher and higher and achieving more and more. My future looked bright. I was happy and healthy.

Then came the next blow.
My aunt, who had previously won a battle against ovarian cancer, had learned that the cancer had come back and this time, there was too little time to save her.
She went into a hospice and I remember our final meeting there.
I don’t want to go into any further detail from here.

I went to her funeral. I cried.
I still don’t feel like I have grieved enough for her but that will come in time.

Around that time, anorexia had relapsed within me and I began to control my food intake and exercise again, this time even more so severely.

I met a man named Lewis and about a month after we had begun dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I said yes.

Almost two years later and we have had so many ups and downs but our relationship is definitely worth fighting for.

In recent months, I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression and given medication to take for it.
I quit the job I was unhappy in and now I have no income.
I am happier.
But I am seeking a new life for myself.
I am seeking something better for myself.

To be continued…

Work less, Live more: How to create satisfaction in your life.

I recently came across a very talented person’s inspiring blog site.

This blogger, has a personal belief, to ‘work less and live more’, and I thought, that would be awesome!

So, what do you think?
Could you work less and live more?

Imagine it.
There would be no alarm clocks.
No uniforms or suits to pull on.
No need for the breakfast rush.
No need for the commute.
No need for the colleagues who put you down or the boss who orders you around like no end.

There would be,
Lots of parties
Lots of opportunity to try new things
More family time
Less stress
More personal choice
Less money
A simpler life.

The question you have to ask yourself is, “are you willing to trade your time, your life for your job?”
If yes, then that’s okay, read no more.
If not, then ask yourself “are you willing to trade your time, your life, for something that you love doing?”

Now, I’m going to take a wild guess and imagine that your answer to the last question, is yes.

The thing is, most of us are worriers. There is always the talk of money, when it comes to jobs, careers, giving it all up and finally doing what you love in life etc.

I mean after all, we all have bills to pay and families to keep.

Ask yourself, “what is it that I love doing?”, “if money, time, people, jobs, did not tie me down, what would I be doing right now?”

When you know the answer to this, ask yourself “how can I make money doing what I love?”

This could prove tricky for the imagination that has been cut off so many times, but the most amazing thing is, that it could be absolutely anything!

If you love to write, start a blog online and use affiliate marketing to bring in some cash.
If you love to exercise, offer your services as a trainer or set up weekly classes for everyone in the community, charging a small amount for each participant.
If you love to act, act out your scenes and put them on YouTube!
If you love to make yourself look gorgeous and pretty, do that, take pictures, offer yourself up to modelling agencies or vlog how you do it via YouTube.
If you love to garden, cook, walk dogs, sit at home all day and relax, whatever it is you love doing, you can make money from it!

So don’t worry about it, don’t have a baby!
It will all be okay.
You know why?
Because you’re doing what you love.
You’re ineffectually, living life the way you want to live it.
And because you love it so much, you give 110% to all of it.
Therefore, productivity is boosted.
Happiness is boosted.
Stress is sent away and people love that!
People love services and products created by happy productive people who love what they’re doing!

So if you’re worried about money, don’t worry, because chances are, if you enjoy life, money will follow you and magically end up in your pocket before you know it.

So go ahead, book that holiday to the Bahamas! Impregnate your wife! Buy a mansion! Buy a Lamborghini! Do whatever it is that you want to do.

Because you know, life is short.
At any moment, life could stop completely and forever.
And to regret life, is to have not lived at all.

Moon, stars…and something to remember

I remember, being a little girl and staying up late at night with my parents.
I remember, going outside with them and being swooped up into my mum’s arms.
She told me “look at all the stars, aren’t they beautiful!”
And she sang “twinkle twinkle little star” to me.

Since then, I have held the stars and the moon, in the highest regard.

Every night, just by chance, I look out into the night sky, wondering if the stars are out.

Just lately, due to the skies being clearer and less cloudy, I have noticed more and more stars, and without fail, each night, I have seen the moon shining so brightly in the sky that the light shines through my curtains and illuminates my bedroom in the most spectacular of ways.
Better than candlelight.
More magical than daylight.

I love it so, looking at which one star shines the brightest, which shines the smallest and which star is the biggest.
I love it so, to look at the moon and tell what shape it is, to know how bright it is and how big it is.

I have promised myself, that this year, I will do more stargazing than I ever have before.

It is my intention, upon a warm night, to grab our friends, blankets and chairs, light a fire in the pit, take our bottles of wine with us and our mallows and our toasts and our teas, and relax, laugh and reminisce together whilst we watch the sky, the stars and the moon.
That is going to be a memory to remember.

Sun, grass…and breakfast picnics?

So I had this really neat idea.
Next weekend, I am taking my boyfriend and friends and we are going for a breakfast picnic in the park.

The plan is to ride our bikes down, set out a picnic in a sunny spot, eat, chill and play games for the morning like tennis, cards and football!

I’m so excited and I cannot wait!

We are going to have breakfast sandwiches, croissants, granola, pineapples and bananas and apples and grapes and strawberries and yoghurts and juices and waters and it is going to be doubly super fantastic!!

Wish us luck and maybe try out your own breakfast picnic 🙂

WANTED: a baby!

As a woman, I am willing to admit that within the last 8-12 months, I have been feeling new feelings.
New broody, motherly feelings.

And I would be lying right now, if I said, I don’t want a baby.

You see, on the one side, I consider myself still too young to have a baby.
Plus, when I want to go out, who’s going to take care of the baby?
When are me and my partner going to find time for eachother?
When we go on holiday, who is going to watch the baby while I bathe in the sun and drink cocktails?
Who is going to clean the poop out of the carpet and the snot off of the walls?

But on the other side,
Part of me yearns to have a little bundle, to cuddle and to kiss.
All broody women must know this feeling.
That longing, hurting feeling inside which you just can’t shake.
A feeling that is fundamental to womanhood and reproduction.
We want a little baby to teach and to guide, a little person who we can be ultimately proud of and to clap for and shout and smile and laugh when they do silly things or gain achievements.

A little Max or Jessica to bestow all worldly gifts on and those other gifts that can only come through unconditional love and family.
I long to see a little baby, that has parts of me and parts of my wonderful partner in their little face, their little smile, their little fingers and toes and their little eyes.

I guess it all comes down to commitment right?

You see, part of me is ready to commit and be that person for that baby.
But the other half is scared and uncertain.

What if?
What if?
What if?

I long to hear that baby cry.
I long to see their beautiful face.
I long to hold that person, knowing that I created it, that it came from me and my partner.
The baby is a seal to the love he and I share together and the love we can bestow on to our child.

One thing I am certain of though, is that my partner is not ready to have children.
He has told me numerous times, over and over, every time I have mentioned it.
And it’s not that I can’t wait.
It’s just the feeling I have inside, it burns me almost, to long for something, knowing that i can’t have it just yet. If I could just wait a little longer….

But it just seems as though, now, is not the right time for us. Even though it hurts.

Maybe next year….

New to blogging

I am new to blogging.

I recently set up a few weeks ago, with no relative experience whatsoever.

What I did have though, and the reason behind my setting up a blog, is that I can write.

Not only can I write, I can write well.

I enjoy writing. I love writing.

I write all day, every day.

I keep a journal and I am forever writing down to-do lists and appointments and what I need to buy at the grocery store.

More than this, I have a weird and creative imagination and a strong will to do what I love in life.

I recently quit my job, because I was so unhappy working there.
I was so unhappy and felt like it was time wasted when I could be doing something I really love to do.

I felt like my life was slipping out of my grasp and up until a month or so ago, I had no idea what it was that I wanted to do.
I had no idea what I enjoyed.

I knew that I love meeting new people and I knew that I love helping them and supporting them with their problems.
It breaks my heart to see anyone down in the dumps and then I have to do something about it.

So here I am, a short while later.

Okay so I have no income and have limited savings to live off which is frightening, considering I have bills to pay, not major ones but still need to be paid.

It is also concerning that all my friends and people I know are at work during the day.
There is no one to hang out with.

But what I am really thankful for, is writing.

This morning, I posted an article “Littlest pleasures of life”
And within 30 minutes, bloggers had liked it.

That simple like, just the one, made me feel so great inside.
It made me feel so thankful and like I am on the right path.

That some random stranger from across the world, took the time, just to read my article AND liked it, means so much to me.
And that random stranger becomes a friend and a part of my blogging family 😊

And now the days aren’t so lonely anymore.
I get to write. I get to meet new like minded people and help them with their problems.
And eventually one day, I will come up with a good idea to create an income doing what I love and live for and be able to provide for my loved ones.

Amen!

Just want to say, A HUGE BIG THANKYOU, to all my followers and fellow bloggers who have enjoyed the posts.

Keep in touch and take care of yourselves.