Men and their exes.

Since I have begun having a serious relationship some years ago,
I have always been dogged by a black cloud hanging over me.

The thought of my lovers ex.

Now I guess that it is very irrational to allow such a thought to occupy my mind

But it frightens me.

What if she was prettier than me?
What if she was funnier or more girly then me?
What if she was thinner and graceful and elegant? All those things which I am not.

And what if she wants him back?
What if he still loves her?
What if he still thinks about her?

My guess is that this idea is irrational and this doubt of my own worth that I’m clinging on to, can only bring clinical depression and a steady drinking problem to my life.

Recently my partner and I conducted an experiment.
We decided to contact our ex partners, to make contact and to show friendliness.

Luckily, I ended my previous relationship on good terms and have found a good friend in this man.
Someone I can talk to and someone who knows me.

Unluckily for my partner, his ex and him ended things on a bad note.
My partner says that he just thinks of her as another person now.
That she holds no control over his emotions anymore.
He can see that he was never in love with her and how distorted their relationship was, much to my delight.

He has also said, that he would like to make peace and not have any “enemies” in the world and can do so via this experiment.

As I noted his conversation with her, uneasiness gripped me and those self doubting thoughts flooded my mind.

What do I do?

What is he going to think?

These thoughts I am having are limiting beliefs and I am worth much more than any of that.

If he wants to go back to her, that’s okay.
If she wants him back, that’s okay too.
If he still thinks about her in a romantic way, then he is not being true to me.
Not that I have any real reason to believe this but you know how speculation works.

I’m not going to get upset or let it be “the end of the world”, because I am worth much more than any person wanting to hurt others.

And if you’re in a similar situation, just know, you are worth much more too.

A week of blow jobs.

I would like to start out by asking forgiveness from those who know me personally, and from anyone else reading this, for the crudeness of the title and the topic of which I am going to speak.

The truth is, it’s that time of the month again.
Mother Nature has returned to give me that monthly gift, regardless of whether I want it or not.
I guess their are a few good points to that right like…I’m not pregnant! And…well…umm…okay so their isn’t much else positive about it.

My tummy hurts constantly, I’m irritable and their is a river flowing out of my body.
Happy happy happy!

Now, when this time of the month comes around, my partner and I prefer not to, you know, do that crazy thing young couples do when in love!

It’s just that it gets messy and it just generally isn’t very nice for either of us.
He’s looking at it and thinking “oh this is so gross” and I’m looking at him thinking “oh my god! He’s looking at it!”
So generally, we avoid sexual intercourse for a week or so, just enough time for me to get back to being a “normal, no more menstrual” woman for another month.

But, during this week that my lady parts are off limits, my partner seems to think it’s a great opportunity for me to practice my skills in another area.

Blow jobs.

Yep, I said it.

Just because he can’t give me the lovin’, it’s my turn to give him the ‘lovin’.

And so, as you can imagine, it’s going to be a long fricking week.